Sad day

Yesterday we found out that a certain sweet baby would not come true for our family. Shane and I were hoping to adopt a perfect, beautiful little 4 month old girl. We were going to call her Zoey. Because of confidentiality reasons I cannot post a picture but she is so breathtakingly beautiful. It has been in the works for a couple months and we were very hopeful. We love her so much and were wanting her to join our family. It felt so right. We got all of our ducks lined up in a row, and then we prayed and prayed and prayed. We did everything we could. She is just so precious to us and we are so happy for the family that "they"(CPS) chose. They are great and I am sure they will love her very much. She was meant for them and she has been all along. When we prayed for this baby girl, we prayed that she would go to the family that she was meant to go to. We were holding out hope that it would be in God's will for her family to be us! Life is hard. This is a roller coaster. There will be ups and downs for our little family. This........ is a down. God has a plan for us and I am so thankful for that little wise piece of information that the spirit continues to whisper to me on a daily basis. It keeps me from getting too upset. I am very thankful for very supportive friends and family as we go through this adoption journey. We could not do it without you. I wanted to post a picture of the baby but won't because......it's hard. SO here is a picture of my very own baby that I already have. She was 10 months old in this picture. Ah! I miss those days. I take her to Kindergarten every day and just about die!! I remember when she was this small. I remember going into her room at night, scooping her up while she was sleeping and sitting in the rocking chair. Rocking her for hours as she slept taking in every ounce of the weight of her body laying on mine. She was such a peanut. My peanut and I was not going to let time go by without holding her. A LOT. Shane would come in the room and ask me what I was doing and I would reply, I just want to hold her. She is not going to be a baby forever. Oh how true that is. It is so cruel that babies grow up. Not that I do not enjoy her as a 6 year old now but wow. It feels just like yesterday they told me that they were going to fly me in a helicopter to another hospital, that our lives were in danger and that I would be having her that day! Scary but amazing and wonderful day. We are both walking miracles. One of these days I will get up the nerve to tell that story on the blog. I have decided that life is not going to get easier. We will always have trials. This past week has been a trying one but we will press forward and have faith in the plan that God has in His will for us. There is light at the end of the tunnel and while it may take what like seems forever to get there I can TOTALLY SEE IT!

Tay tay at ten months old